Quiet Sundays

I truly relish the tranquil moments of weekend mornings when it feels like the only other people who are awake and about are of the same mindset as me - they are excited to get things accomplished early in the day so the rest of it can be spent relaxing and enjoying good company. In the quiet, there is promise and possibility, and perhaps because I am grateful for such moments, it seems the whole world sighs with gratitude.
I appreciated such moments before, but now doubly so ever since I began working second shift. My job claimed my evenings, but it freed up my mornings and early afternoons. If I go to bed right after I get home at midnight, I am able to wake up early enough the next day that I can accomplish much before I leave for my next shift. I have successfully been able to hew out some really good habits of pre-work chores every day, and that has done much to edify my mental health and consequential effectiveness at my job.
One thing that I need to get back into the habit of doing, which has been shamefully lacking in my life, is attending church every week. Even on the Sundays that I work it would be possible to attend. I know this, and I even want this, but the nature of my weird personality makes it difficult to first dig into what would become a groove of a good habit. I'm not making excuses. If anything, I can be overcritical of myself, leading to further paralytic anxiety/shame, and that is just counterproductive. I have learned that I must be firm with myself, yes, but I must also be patient with myself. Turning maintenance/chores into rewards has been monumental in "fixing" my life. After all, maintaining things and taking care of your home is a reward - it's the reward of love and peace of mind. You must first love yourself before you can love others. I love the brick house parable - if you keep giving bricks away while you are building your house then it will never get done and you are denying shelter to yourself and others, but if you build your house you can then offer more to those who need it. It's so important to keep that in mind.

And that's my blog post. This has been another rambling for the sake of words.

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