I woke up to my stomach hurting and a need to rush to the bathroom. This is not terribly abnormal, as digestive issues are a semi-regular part of my life (I do what I can to identify patterns in my diet and avoid things accordingly, but ultimately I will have diarrhea every once in a while regardless).
Afterwards, I was feeling tender and shaky - again, this is not terribly strange, but I did decide against immediately going to the gym because of the incident.
I finally called my insurance company to beg help. I had been researching psychiatrists via their network providers registry and every time I tried to connect with someone from that registry, their office would say that they didn't accept my insurance. Something's wrong there. So my insurance said that they would do some digging and let me know. That's a step forward, but help is still so far away.
Generally, my shortcomings are beating me up.
Today is a hard day. It's a crying day. It's a hopeless day. It's an everything is terrible and nothing I do is good enough and I'm not worth anything day. I've done a lot of crying, and I'm looking forward to work even less than I usually do. I don't know how I'm going to get through work, but it doesn't matter because I have to go no matter what.
My stomach is still bothering me. I just want to curl up and be away from the world. I can now honestly say that I don't like this job. I've sifted through the variables, and this job is terrible. There are some rewarding moments and features, but the downside and the constant issues unfortunately outweigh anything good. There's a large, ugly, red scratch on my face aptly demonstrating this.
That's it for today.
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