Last night when I was driving home from work, my car was behaving strangely before it stalled and stopped running (luckily right in front of my apartment building). My boyfriend heroically came out and helped me get it into a parking spot.
I am no stranger to car problems, as my last car was extraordinarily problematic and caused me much stress. I know how to deal with such things.
However.
They say when it rains, it pours. I felt quite piled on this morning.
I am struggling a bit financially. I had a bit of a regression recently with my old habits of impulse purchases and emotional spending, and I am now back to living paycheck to paycheck. This time last year I had taken a second job to supplement my income and get out of the paycheck to paycheck cycle. I'm ashamed to have essentially undone that work. Now I have an unexpected car emergency, and this is precisely why I wanted to pad my checking account and create a savings account. I am very close to being broke. Again.
The main difference between this year and last year is that I can pick up more shifts at my job and actually get paid for overtime. I am also in a better place mentally, spiritually, and creatively. Physically, I'm still pretty blubby and not fit. That's ok. I'm working on that.
I had my car towed to my mechanic, and my boyfriend insisted that I borrow his car for work. I have yet to hear about my car, but I'm not anxious. I'm just disappointed in myself because I will inevitably ask for help to pay for the repair.
I'm glad that this doesn't stress me out anymore, but being disappointed in myself still stings.
I can only go forward and do better, and with God's Grace that is always possible.
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