Slipping into the Mud Again

Today is a bad day. It's one of those days without hope. I feel trapped.

I hate where I live, meaning both geographically and my apartment.
I no longer like my work. It has become frustrating on multiple levels and there is no way to move around in the company.
I have way too much clutter. I need to get rid of stuff.
I have no idea whether or not I actually love my boyfriend. Seriously. I have a feeling I might just be staying in and maintaining this relationship because it's stable and convenient. That's frustrating because sometimes I feel like my relationship with him is one of the things "trapping" me. I don't think the relationship is enhancing my life. On the contrary, the relationship seems to be the cause of more stress than happiness. Generally, though, at this moment, the positives outweigh the negatives.
I'm pretty sure that I have adult ADHD, but I don't have an official diagnosis and I haven't sought treatment because money is tight and my insurance coverage sucks.
More patches of eczema/psoriasis have appeared on my body, most notably near the front of my hairline on my scalp. I have to resist scratching the itch lest it flake, but it flakes anyway every time I brush my hair.
I have a lot of things on my to do list, but I'm extremely scattered and forgetful. I live by myself and I hate it. I feel lonely and haunted. "Haunted," is the term I give to what I assume is my anxiety caused by being alone...it feels as if something is lurking in the quiet and unoccupied space and I feel watched, and not in a comforting way. This feeling makes me want to curl up and be quiet - disturbing the quiet and space as little as possible. I seriously hate being by myself; always have. More often than not, this hinders anything I want or have to do. I have become better at pushing through it, but the obstacle is never removed - it's just lighter sometimes.
There is so much psychological noise in my head that it's overwhelming, and so I often just shut down instead of actually being productive.
I feel like I've become addicted to the distraction of TV or movies. I have something on constantly, just to feel less lonely and haunted.

I feel trapped and I'm on the verge of a panic attack.

I seriously hate my life and I feel like I might give anything to be able to go back in time and fix my mistakes so that I don't get fired. I feel like that was the catalyst to everything wrong in my life.
Unfortunately, like most lessons in my life I believe I had to learn this the hard way and so I don't believe going back in time would do anything unless I was able to take the wisdom gained by the experience with me.
I hate that I'm so stubborn that I have to learn things the hard way. I wish my foresight was clearer and more wise.

I hate that I'm 28 and nowhere near being married. 28! It still blows my mind that I'm 28 now!! It's actually terrifying and depressing that my 20s are going by so quickly. I hate that the life I want is so far out of my reach.

I hate, and that's the storm. Hopefully, this blog post will have assisted in purging some of the noise. I went to the bathroom and cried for a bit. I feel slightly less overwhelmed, but still very much in the danger zone of complete panic.
Then again, I usually am.